We're Not Meant for Everyone

Sometimes the hardest relationships to leave aren’t romantic ones.

In this episode of Brains Gone Bold, Jeanine and Maria tackle the messy, emotional, deeply human question:

How do you know when it’s time to walk away from a relationship?

From friendships that quietly fade…
to family estrangement…
to values that no longer align…
to the pain of being ghosted by someone you genuinely loved…
this conversation gets honest fast.

The episode explores:
Friendship breakups
Family obligation vs. self-protection
Giving difficult feedback
Political/value differences in relationships
Ghosting and emotional avoidance
Boundaries, intuition, and self-awareness
The emotional weight of obligation and expectation
There are no perfect answers here, just two people trying to think through complicated things in real time.

And honestly? That’s probably why this one feels so relatable.

If you’ve ever wrestled with whether to stay, leave, reconnect, forgive, or let go… this conversation is for you.

💬 We’d genuinely love to hear from you in the comments:
Have you ever walked away from a relationship and known it was the right choice?

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Welcome back to Brains Gone Fold. We're happy to have you with us as always. You know, we have some interesting things to talk about today, I think. Janine, I'm loving your shirt again today. Lots of truth behind that shirt. For those of you who may be listening and not watching, as you hopefully know, Janine has a whole wardrobe of what we call sarcastiware with all kinds of messages that make me laugh.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Maria, what about woody wear?

SPEAKER_02 0:35

We can go with that too. Anyway, that's kind of saying for those listening and not watching, although you should be watching, go to YouTube and watch because you can see Janine's wardrobe. It says sarcastic, awkward, and sweary.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

All things that absolutely describe me.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

They do. They really do. Things we love about you, Janine.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Sure. I don't know that everyone would say the same, but that's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

SPEAKER_02 1:00

Yeah. It's fine. So for today, um, I think we want to pick back up on a previous episode conversation that we were having about the idea of quitting. And we talked about all kinds of things around quitting sports teams, quitting jobs, uh jobs. Yeah, all different situations and how we feel about that. But we didn't talk about relationships. And I think, you know, it could get a little sticky uh in talking about that. But whether it be friendships or family relationships or romantic relationships, um, exploring kind of how do you know when it's appropriate to quit that relationship person?

SPEAKER_00 1:46

Which is even harder than when we were talking about jobs and we felt like we had unlocked this key to when it's okay. Yes. And I don't think it applies here. No. I mean, I think it can, but I don't think it covers the whole. So, like the shortcut version of we said, if your values are not aligned, it's okay to move on, to, to choose something else. Um, especially when you're talking about you're talking to your kids and trying to help your kids understand, you know, we want them to commit to something and to really be into it. Um, but the deciding factor goes back to values. Now we're talking about people. You know, whether it's your friends, your your your boyfriend, girlfriend, even just, you know, you said one that I think is a real big one for me. Your family. Just because you're born into a family, they're automatically supposed to be your closest allies, you know, and that's not always the case. So, oh, that's that is sticky. I like that word. It is sticky.

SPEAKER_02 2:50

Or potentialistic. So, where do you want to head with this?

SPEAKER_00 2:55

Well, I mean, you know, it's funny because I I immediately think of, I do start with friendships. Like in my own brain, when we first started talking even about the quitting, um, you know, you think about the things that you spend the most time with. And sometimes that's our friends more than our family, especially when you get to be adults, right? And so unless, you know, you have kids and and what have you. But um, I think of, and Luis, our producer, was in here and he was asking me like what our topics were going to be today. And I mentioned that. And he said, from what angle are you thinking about it from like people ghosting you? And I was like, Well, that is that's an angle. You know, and and it's I could be the same thing though, right? So I've been in friendships where typically when you start working with somebody and you're like, I love this person, and then you start hanging out, and but the more you hang out with them, you're like, I do not love this person.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Right.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

And so, you know, how do you then because you're gonna still see them at work, you're still, you know, in that situation with them. And so when he said ghosting, I did think of one where there was a person that, again, super enjoyed, incredibly like just entertaining and super entertaining person. Um, but the more time we spent together, the more I realized um they probably had a problem with alcohol. And it was it was overwhelming. You know, there's a oh my gosh, a friend's episode where do you remember Bobby? Um, Fun Bobby? Remember that episode? Right. So where Fun Bobby, then they were like every story started with I was so wasted, right? That's what it was like. It was like a similar situation where every time, you know, whatever. And I'm not saying that I wasn't drinking like I'm holier than thou, definitely having some drinks, but not in the same way and not every time. And so at some point, I just stopped inviting and then going when I was invited. Right. So that became more, and then when you'd see them at work, it was like, oh, hey, good to see you. And then you keep, you know, keep it moving.

SPEAKER_01 5:11

Yeah. And what did it become awkward at all? Or did this person like address you about it? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 5:17

Not only was it awkward, it was awkward for me and uh obviously for them to the point where they asked me about it. And this is where like I'd love to have this discussion, Maria, because I found myself with like a question that we've asked about, you know, feedback for somebody. And do you say it when it's gonna hurt them? Not wanting to tell them the truth, not wanting to say, I think you're an alcoholic, or I don't want to be around your alcoholism, like it's not fun for me, or you know, when you drink too much, this starts happening and that's uncomfortable. And I don't know why I didn't feel like it was so I didn't know them well enough, I think, to give them that kind of. And so I just said something like, Oh gosh, I've been so busy. And as you know, work is looking like this. And so when I go home, I'm just spent, like I'm just not, you know. And in hindsight though, I do feel like it would have been kinder for me to be truthful. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 6:19

Oh, that is so good. That is so good. Uh, I actually was watching, I don't know if you pay attention to Simon Sinek at all. And I know him, but you know, very small amounts. Every once in a while he'll pop up on my feed. And just yesterday, he was having an interview with someone where he said almost exactly what you just did, which is it is kind to give someone tough feedback if you're doing it in a way that is intended, you know, in a good way, you're being respectful about it and that sort of thing. It is kind to give someone tough feedback. And I had to sit with that for a minute because I it's it's kind of hard for us to process those words together. Yeah. Um, but I think in your case, you're that's right. You know, I think with that said, I can understand why that would be difficult, um, depending on the kind of how close you were with her and so forth. Um, I think probably what I would have said is something along the lines of, you know, I just with so much going on at work and everything, I'm just not really into drinking that much. You know, so make it about you in terms of like you don't want to be drinking that much. And I think that could have become a mirror in a way. And right, it could have been a good opportunity. You were calling it out in a different way without saying you're an alcoholic. Now, was it appropriate though for you to be the person who calls it out? I don't know. I mean, you know, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

I made a choice, obviously, at the time. And I think now it's been a number of years, but I do think that like their life, unfortunately, they continued to drink heavily and it showed they lost their their job because of it, like so many different things. And so I think back and think, oh my gosh, I could have, out of kindness, said something. But here's the reality when you give somebody that kind of feedback or or say, you know, even using your creative approach of I don't really want to drink anymore, there's this holier than thou that could potentially, especially if you're not in a place to hear it yet, like you haven't recognized that you've got a problem with alcohol or whatever, and somebody's saying this to you, like what's that, what's their problem? Right. And I felt like it could have become more awkward and even more like it wasn't contentious, it could have become contentious. And you know, so I just wanted to avoid all of that. And at the end of the day, Maria, here's where it really comes back to. I didn't value them enough as a friend to really care to lose that friendship. And so that's where I wanted to bring it back. Like for me, thinking about, you know, losing friends, I've been on the other side of the fence where there was this woman that I really, really dug. Like I just thought that she was the bee's knees. She was smart. We worked together for a number of years. I'd seen her trajectory. You know, I was younger than her, not by much, but enough where I emulated some of the things that she was doing. And I felt like we were becoming friends. And then all of a sudden, just completely cut me off. Completely cut me off. And I was like, what's happened? And I was moving from uh out of state, and other friends that I had, you know, we were putting plans in place to stay in touch and what have you. And I remember sending her a card, getting no response. And then sending her another card, like a note. We still work together and um no response. And I I don't mean something goofy. I mean like I took the time to go, I really value our friendship. I if I've done something, please accept my apology. I I didn't mean to, it wasn't my intention. I'm sorry, I don't know what I did. If you can tell me what I did, then you know, I'd love to try to repair this. Nothing. Years later, we were at a mutual friend's bachelorette party. And she was there and came up to me, was very warm, was very, you know, friendly, and almost acted like, and it was very confusing to me. It was very confusing to me. And we knew we had, it was like this whole weekend and we knew I knew we had other experiences that we were going to be put together. And so I asked her. And I said, you know, here's my recollection of this situation 10 years before. And what happened. And she told me that the way I told stories she didn't like. She didn't like how I I can't describe it in any other way, but the way she said it was, you know, you tell these stories and I don't find them entertaining. And I don't, I just I don't enjoy hanging around with you when you're telling stories like you have to have the spotlight. That was it. I have to have the spotlight. And I was like, oh, because I can see myself that way. I can see the fact that, you know, I can suck the air out of a room because I want to be on show. I need an audience. Like I I replay these things. And I just remember being so hurt by it. Like it almost hurt more hearing her reason than having her ghost me. Yeah. Right? And so being more personal. It's who I am. You know, this this dynamic, and not to say that I can't change and whatever, but I like who I am. And so when she like stuck at the very core of the who I am piece, it was really hurtful because I just liked her so much. And I still like her so much. Like it didn't, I still like this woman. And so what I would say to you, Maria, is in thinking about those two things where at first I was ghosted by somebody and it didn't know, and it was really hurtful. And, you know, I feel felt like I was begging her to be my friend. And then finding out 10 years later why she didn't like me anymore. I kind of want to go back to the ghosting piece where I never ever saw her again in my life and didn't have to think about it anymore.

SPEAKER_02 12:18

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I can, yeah, I can see that was her pull because that was such a personal, it's your part core of who you are. Yeah, yeah. But you know what? We're not for everyone. No, I know that's easier said than done. It is, right? Who we are is not for everyone. And so it's her loss. Again, I know that's easier said than done, of course. But yeah, yeah. Right. Um, I have like two things that are coming to mind, and both of them can be tough. So, what are your thoughts on? Um, there are actually a lot of people, and it's more, I believe, like younger generation now to be wrong in this, but that's my understanding, who are making decisions to be um estranged from family members. And, you know, you said at the beginning, we were talking about, oh, family, that's you know, that's tough. They're supposed to be your blood and supposed to have your back and that sort of thing. Um, I've watched multiple now, I've either listened to podcasts or watched multiple shows on the fact that this is happening in record numbers where people are estranged from parents or siblings or whatever that might be, because they're simply saying, like, yeah, you might be my blood, but you you you're an asshole. You know, like you, I would not put up with this behavior from you if you were someone else. So why do I have to put up with this? Because I was born into this, you know? And I uh and I've watched and listened to things that talk about the impacts of that on generally on society, even like the breakdown of the family and you know, all of the things that can go along with it. Um do you know anyone who has done this? And what is your take on cutting ties with family members?

SPEAKER_00 14:16

I so I do know a few people, and it wasn't like I I I guess it was a conscious choice. Let's say maybe it wasn't, but I know some like siblings that do not have a relationship with one another. Um I will say, you know, my own sister we consciously make the effort to be in one another's lives. I also know sisters that are inseparable, you know, absolutely inseparable. And, you know, you see the game. But the friends that I can think of that are are not and do not have a relationship with their siblings and or parents, it's so weird for me because of the relationships I do have with my mom and my sister, and of course, by extension, my nieces and nephews, that for people that don't, I find myself trying to convince them to repair that relationship, which is not my place. But so it's my own. Like you asked, how do I feel about that? Like, oh, I it makes me uncomfortable. I want them to be happy. But why? Just because you are born into a family should not make a difference. It's how people treat you, it's how you know they support you, you know, build you up versus breaking you down. And so it shouldn't matter that you're related to somebody and they're treating you like crap. It should be okay for them to make a choice, you know, and to not be in it. So while my actions say different, I do feel like it is okay. What about you? What do you think?

SPEAKER_02 15:47

I think it's okay too. I do. I do. I think it's complicated, you know. I really do think it's complicated, but I agree with the perspective of like, why do you have to put up with with being treated poorly? You know, you it's it's like yeah, I I don't um now there is another side to it, which is in some cases, and this has been part of the discussions that are happening, the threshold of what you'll put up with. Okay, should that be higher? Okay. So meaning like because it's family or just in general? Because it's yeah, because it's family. So, you know, a lot of folks who are do who are doing this are sometimes doing it for reasons that others might see minor. Others might see like, so so they're basically like, I'm not gonna put up with that anymore and gone. Like almost like a not a big deal. Um now, with that said, I'm sure there's lots of things that happen behind the scenes that people don't know about all of the things, of course. But I guess uh, you know, where's the threshold again in terms of like how long do you put up with a bad behavior? Does it depend depend on what the behavior is? And if there are kids involved or not, that there's a lot of factors that depend. You know, it depends. But um I know, yeah, that's gonna be my answer today.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

I'll allow it. I'd like for you to uh find other words for it though. Um so when you were sitting here and you're talking about the threshold, I started thinking about account, not accountability, responsibility may I'll describe it and then you tell me what the word is. So for families, traditional in my mind doesn't mean that's other somebody else's description of traditional, but the way I describe a family, I'm gonna use mom, dad, two kids, okay, for this example. And mom and dad have a responsibility to those two kids to feed them, clothe them, love them, treat them well. And in turn, those kids, in my opinion, have an obligation to respect the parents for what they've uh um sacrificed for them, the the feed them, because it's it's very it's much less expensive to raise yourself than it is somebody else with you. And so I think about from that perspective, right? So that's just the basics. So then we get to the point where mom and dad are feeding, loving, doing all the things, but they're also beating the crap out of you. You know, they're drinking too much and then taking it out on you every time something doesn't go their way, and again, beating the crap out of the kid. And so the kid is now, let's just fill in the blank, nine years old, recognizes that this is not the way they should be treated. And so what did they get to do? Their options are limited. You know, they can write, talk about abuse, whatever. So now we're 16 or 18. And my entire life, my parents on the surface, have done all these great things for me. They have, you know, paid for me for the after school care. They've done these things. However, they were shitheads. They were verbally abusive and sometimes physically abusive. And I'm done. Like I'm out. And on the outside, to your point, we don't know what's going on behind closed doors. On the outside, somebody's like, your parents were so good to you. They did so much for you. And like, yeah, but every single night my dad crawled into my bed, or my mother, you know, was a raging alcoholic and would rip my hair out of like all the things, right? So who has, you know, the rights here?

SPEAKER_02 19:34

And I think I don't think it's up to anyone else to judge. That's that's how I feel. I really don't. Anyone from the outside cannot judge because they don't know the experience that happened. Um, I would say that I am having a little bit, I guess, of a visceral reaction as you're talking about um, you know, they they made sacrifices, they put food on the table, they did all these kind of like financial related things for you. Um to me, you decided to have a child. Along with deciding to have a child comes responsibilities that are financial in nature and sacrifices in nature. That child did not decide to be born. Yep. So to put responsibility on the child to respect and love and do X, Y, and Z for the parents because the parents sacrificed and provided to me is BS. Like that is that's part of the job description. And like they're gonna be. What about earning it though?

SPEAKER_00 20:37

What do you mean? So, you know, I feel like my parents earned that from me because of not just the financial sacrifices that they may have made, but they did show me a lot of love. They taught me lessons. I learned from experience and all of that. So I do think some of it's earned, but you're right. I mean, I didn't ask to be born into like I didn't ask to be born, period. I'm glad I was.

SPEAKER_02 21:02

I think what you I'm happy you were born too. Words of affirmation. Um what you just said is so important and such an important distinct distinction, which is you had that love and caring part. Yes, for sure. Not everybody knows. What I'm saying is like in those situations where there's abuse or there's other things that that could fall into that, just because the parents provided financially for and that sort of thing does not make up for give them an give them an excuse to, and does not give them a pass to have treated their child their children poorly. I agree. And so what I'm saying is like those things alone to me are not a factor in the child should respect and and so on and so forth. It's like, yes, the parents earn. The respect by providing a warm, loving environment where that child can grow and thrive. Yes. Regardless of the money situation, regard so you know, I yeah, I guess I could go back and agree with you.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

And I want to stay very state very clearly that in no way was I trying to imply that because the parents sacrificed anything, whatever it was, that that gives them a pass, because I couldn't that couldn't be further from the truth. I worry for that nine-year-old that has less choices than that 16 and 18-year-old just because of whatever. So I I do from that standpoint though, I want to get back to the you know, family members, you know, making choices. And so it's such a like it's a personal, obviously, it's a personal topic, and we all have our own feelings about, you know, family members and stuff. And so I it's hard for me. I will say this my father's side of the family, my mother's side of the family, very different. We had a much closer relationship with my mother's side of the family that includes cousins, extended cousins, whatever. There's a few scattered on my dad's side, um, but very few. Like I could count on a handful of the folks that I still have any and did as a child. So we as a family made a decision of which, you know, members were going to get our time and attention. And it happened to be my mother's side. As we've gotten older and you know, family members move out of state and different things happen. I have a sense of obligation. And it is, it's a sense of obligation because my mother is now the matriarch of that family. Like her sister has passed, her brother has passed, she is the oldest one of that particular line now. And so a lot of my cousins lean on my mom. And so I think that's so my sense of obligation is that because they see my mom in a certain way, that I want to try to make her available for them and what have you. But I also have that they should be doing more to see my mom and to go out of their way because she's the one. She's the one that's left. And that's such a warped in my, it's just the way like you know what I mean? It's the way I was raised and you know, that family is is everything. But I also see it from that other perspective of just because their blood doesn't make it more important than the people that all of their lives have shown you love and respect and care, and they're not related to you. Like it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that they're family. What does that do?

SPEAKER_02 24:48

I think what you're touching on for me, there's a lot, but the word obligation comes up and and I struggle so so much with that word, which is I don't want to be obligated to or for anyone except my child. And I do not want my child to ever feel obligated to or for me. I do not ever want him to feel that way. And so when you're talking about, I think you're even talking about nieces and nephews being obligated to your mother, right? It's my own protectionism, right? Of my mom. That's so foreign and different than what I believe and feel. Um and I probably need to like examine the why behind that. I and the word obligation, I struggle with not just as it relates to family or relationships, like I I struggle with it in general. Okay. Like it's one of those many words. Expectations. Like people expecting things to me is Oh, you should totally examine that.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

I'm just kidding. I mean, I I mean, we I can't think of one right now, but obligation and expectations. Interestingly, it feels I'm proud when there's certain obligations and or expectations placed upon me and I can deliver on it. Like I don't feel the weight of now. Do I feel like sometimes they can be unreasonable? Absolutely. And what I'm describing like with my mom, I feel like she has earned that place. And so I want others to reciprocate because when I say earned, you know, she I literally said to her the other day that one of her biggest talents is how well she cares for other people. And she really puts a premium on that and goes out of her way to try to make that happen. And so I feel a sense of obligation to make sure others do that for her. And so, you know, I and that's what I was trying to say when I was describing like the different family dynamic and what have you. But um we could probably in therapy talk about the word obligation and expectation for you and why that gives you that um moment. But this is not the therapy.

SPEAKER_02 27:23

And I actually am perfectly comfortable with how I feel about it.

SPEAKER_00 27:26

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, you said you need maybe figure out why you feel, and I know the reason I feel that way is because it was always seen as a good thing in my family.

SPEAKER_02 27:38

Oh, okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 27:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:40

I think part of it, you know, you use the word the weight, like the weight of it. Um, I do think there's a lot to it that I am aware of um that's never gonna change for me, and and I'm okay with that. Yeah. I do know that, you know, in my day-to-day life, I have a lot of responsibility on my shoulders, whether that is real or perceived. And so anything else added to that is just weight that I I simply can't carry. So more expectations, more obligations on top of what I already have on my plate is just it's not feasible to me.

unknown 28:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 28:28

And I don't want it.

SPEAKER_00 28:29

And I think that's fair. And I'm glad that you know where your um weight barrier is. You know, like you know how much you can carry and anything more, what's gonna break it for you. And I think, you know, I think that's part of being a responsible adult is understanding where that is. And otherwise, you know, you'll break. And how good can you be to other people if you can't do all the things, you know, like you said, real or perceived or whatever. But you've said these are the things within my purview that I'm willing to take on. Anything outside of that? Sorry. Yeah, that's okay. Yeah, I think that's okay. Yeah. So back to the um the relationships, family and or you know, yeah, friends. Um I just yeah, it hurts.

SPEAKER_02 29:25

I have a question. Yeah. I have a question for you. This is like a little bit side side detour. Um on a friend side, and maybe this even applies to family as well, but I have a and I know we do not want to go into the realm of discussing politics or anything like that. We're not going to do that. I am curious if you had a friend who you learned had vastly different political views and values than if you realized and those were completely different than yours, what would you do about that?

SPEAKER_00 30:12

I do have friends that have vastly different beliefs and values than I do. And it is very difficult for me because just like we said before, you know, my values I hold very dearly. And um, with that being said, when it comes to relationships, when it comes to people, I didn't always have politics as something that was, you know, in my worldview. You know, when you're coming up, it's very rare that children and or young adults really care about politics. I know there's some that very much do, but I wasn't one of them. You know, I didn't really watch the news. It just wasn't, and I still don't I I now go out of my way to avoid the news. But um, I made those friendships most of the times prior to those things being important, right? Now as an adult, uh like a a a serious adult, meaning I've been I've been an adult for a while. This isn't new. I um if it was a new friendship, right, instead of one of those old established ones that I've had for a while, if it was a new friendship and I learned that that person was like just really the complete opposite of the spectrum, like kicking puppies is okay kind of moments. Um then I probably would not continue that friendship. But existing friendships where we've got those differences, I go out of my way not to have conversations where those differences are going to be exposed. And that can be really challenging. Right. I mean, I've got friends who do have similar views to myself, and we talk about politics and we talk about worldview and we talk about that kind of stuff. And it's it's freeing to be able to speak to somebody so openly. You know, we don't always agree, but at the end of the day, our values are the same, right? So we might have a different perspective, but our values are the same. Where the folks that I can't go deep with like that, it ends up I don't want to say damaging, but it definitely impacts the friendship. I just try not to lose the friendship as a result. Which is tough to navigate. What about yourself?

SPEAKER_02 32:44

I struggle with this one too. Um similar to you. I believe there are friends in my circle who, again, I would not have known their political views, which is not something that ever came into my purview, not nor anything we ever discussed, cared about, or carried with us in any way in our relationship. That, you know, in this day and age of social media, you get kind of an inside track sometimes into the way people think that maybe they wouldn't have previously shown. Uh and that has happened. It has happened. I have become aware of things uh for a couple of people that are really surprising. I'll just put it there, really surprising and super disappointing. Um to the point where going back to kind of how do you know when it's time to quit? I have been struggling. There's one in particular, um, a person who I really, really adored. And now I know this thing that is so contrary to what I thought and is so contrary to my values that it's like I don't know what to do with that.

SPEAKER_04 34:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:20

You know, now, thankfully or not, it's not someone who was ever like a part of my daily. It was someone who I would catch up with every so often. But when we did, it was like no time had passed, we really connected and so forth. So, like the fact that more time has passed is is, I guess, okay. And it it easily and very well may end up resulting in us not ever talking again.

SPEAKER_00 34:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:51

And and I don't know if that's right or not.

SPEAKER_00 34:54

And I don't know if it is either, but at the end of the day, the only thing that defines for each of us, all of us, what is right is just how we feel. Right. And so if it's so insurmountable that it's more painful to pursue and continue to have the relationship knowing this thing than if you just kind of let it fade into the darkness, um then you know, you have your answer. I just I can't imagine there was never a time in my life that I would think that an external situation could impact, you know, my love for, you know, somebody. And it might it it still doesn't, however, my willingness to be uh around people um where their values are so different is is hard. It's harder than I thought it would be. Um and we do live in a very polarized society right now. And it's because of social media that that those differences are even more exacerbated. They are even more um, there's there's lights shining and all of the things that used to be in the darkest crevices of the world now have bright spotlights on them. And so it's hard to avoid, you know, unless you stay off of all of social media altogether and never watch TV, never walk past anybody else watching TV. You know what I mean? Like there's it's actually sounds kind of nice. There's some tribes that still live that way. And there have been times where I think a vacation there would be amazing. But we would ruin it. We would ruin it for them. The more people that go and fly, but I mean, you know, in all seriousness, you can't avoid those topics. And so it's just in your face all the time. And so making the the best decision you can make for yourself in order to maintain your sanity as well as your respect for yourself and again, those values, that's I just think that's where we just keep landing. And so I don't know, it's really tough. It's really tough because just like when I was talking about that situation before, about feeling like a person that I really cared about didn't want to be my friend anymore, was really hurtful. It was more hurtful once I realized what it was. And the person that was an alcoholic, me not telling them, how do you have a conversation about somebody's beliefs without offending them? Without so either, you're gonna like ruin it probably either way. Because if it's so important to you that their beliefs are so different from yours that you want to have that conversation, then be prepared either way to lose that friendship or to lose that relationship or whatever it was. And I don't know that I am there with any, you know what I mean? Like I don't know that I've gotten to the point where I want to have the discussion and go, I absolutely and positively feel 180 degrees differently from what you believe. And as a result, we can't be friends. Like I'm not, I'm not ready to have those conversations. Maybe I should be, and that makes me a lesser person, but I'm not. Just not. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 38:23

Hey, it self-awareness. It's important.

SPEAKER_00 38:27

Indeed, it is. Indeed.

SPEAKER_02 38:29

Oh, so again, we didn't solve, we didn't solve for anything, not that we were intending to. I think, you know, the the idea of when do you know a relationship has hit its end or it's time to let it go.

SPEAKER_00 38:42

And let's solve it. Let's solve it right now. You know when you know when it's in the pit of your stomach that it doesn't work for you anymore. Well, that was a big one.

unknown 38:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:55

Right. I mean, because we know, like you know, it's just the to you said it, and I can't remember exactly the words that you used when I was talking about, you know, the friend, and you said, we're not for everybody. We're not for everybody. Yeah. Just because you meet somebody and you like them and they like you doesn't mean that you have to be together forever. Things change, you know, whether it's romantic, whatever. The only ones that we seem to be stuck with are the family members, but we've also learned that you don't have to be stuck with them either. So there you have it. If you feel it in the pit of your stomach, walk away.

SPEAKER_02 39:32

Okay, we can take that for sure. For sure. And that's an intuition thing, but we can come back to that too.

SPEAKER_00 39:38

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 39:39

It is a tough topic, though.

SPEAKER_00 39:41

It is definitely a tough topic. Makes me feel some kind of way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:46

All right. Well, I think we can wrap up this topic for today. I'm sure there's plenty more we could talk about as it relates to this, but um, thank you for sharing your thoughts. Yeah. You always help me to think about things a little differently. So I appreciate that as always. Thank you to those listening or watching. Always appreciate you being here. Um, you know, Janine and I like to talk amongst ourselves, but we appreciate knowing that there's others who are in on this and listening too. So please feel free to chime in on the conversation. Let us know your thoughts, like, subscribe, share, email us, all of the things.

SPEAKER_00 40:21

I do want to add on that as far as, you know, we want to bring you in the conversation. I know we've said we're not kidding, whatever. When we get a comment, we're like, hey, did you see it? Like we are so we are so excited about it. And it makes us think there have been some really, and thank you guys, some really thoughtful and personal sharing that we've been privileged to receive from each of you. And so please, we we want to have the conversation. It's um it's important to us and it's valuable to us. So it's why we do this. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:56

All right, well, we will see you next time on Brains Gone Bold.

SPEAKER_00 41:01

Yes, we will.

SPEAKER_02 41:01

Thank you. Bye, guys. Bye.