How to Know When to Walk Away

Quitting sounds simple… but it never feels that way.

In this episode, Maria and Jeanine dig into a question most of us quietly wrestle with: when is it actually okay to quit?

They grew up hearing, “don’t be a quitter.” Finish what you start. Push through.

 But now? Life looks different.

They talk about jobs, parenting, relationships, and the pressure to stay… even when something clearly isn’t working.

At one point, Maria admits she’s stayed in situations way too long, saying she held on “until they became unhealthy for me.”
And Jeanine shares how she knew it was time to leave when she felt like she was “beating [her] head against the wall every single day.”

It gets real, but it also gets practical.

They explore the difference between quitting too soon and staying too long.

They talk about how guilt, fear, and even pride can keep you stuck.

And they land on something that actually helps:

Know your values.

Because once you’re clear on what really matters to you, the decision gets a whole lot easier.

If you’ve ever stayed somewhere longer than you should have… or wondered if it’s time to move on… this one will hit home.

Tune in. You’re going to feel seen.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to Brain's Gone Bold. We're happy to have you with us as always as we explore some topics that we think are interesting to us. Hopefully you will too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 0:14

That's the hope. Yeah. And you know, I knew I feel like we sound like broken records when we say this, that we want to hear from them. But if they're crap topics and you're like, why are they even talking about this? Tell us that. Like, I want to hear it. What would be a better topic?

SPEAKER_00 0:28

You want negative feedback?

SPEAKER_03 0:29

It's not negative, it's constructive.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

It's like, hey, I you're asking the internet to give us negative feedback.

SPEAKER_03 0:38

Listen, I I honestly sit in a butt pucker every single time our episodes publish. Cause I'm waiting, and I mean it. I'm waiting for the feedback. I'm waiting for the, oh my gosh, you look like you ate another person, or oh my gosh, the topic. I'm listening people are mean. And so I'm waiting for that. And so I mean it when I say my butt's puckered. Like I'm just waiting. And so the fact, first of all, thank you for not. Um, the fact that we've had some really nice feedback, and and most of it's from people we know, which is also really nice too. But um, I do want to hear it. Like, if this isn't landing, if the conversations that we're having don't make sense, or you'd want to hear us talk about them, tell us. Like, I'd love to hear that constructively, not in a mean way.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

Oh, so yes, and Janine's love language is words of affirmation. So please tell us how great we are.

SPEAKER_03 1:36

And remind us, Maria, what is yours? It's quality time.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Didn't you time it as a service?

SPEAKER_03 1:43

Okay, right.

SPEAKER_02 1:44

So I don't know how they can help with that, but well, spend that quality time with us. There you go. Yeah. Listening to our episode. Show me your listening. Show me the money. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:59

Okay, so Maria, what are we gonna talk about today?

SPEAKER_00 2:03

I think we're gonna talk about the topic of quitting. And I mentioned this to you a while back in our discussions because it's it's coming up for me in different ways. Um, I grew up in the era where, you know, you're not a quitter. You just have to plow through, finish what you start, don't quit. And that could look like a lot of different things. Fast forward to me much older and as a mother, and I wrestle with this specifically as a mother because I want my son to be able to discern for himself when something isn't right and be okay with that. So, you know, as an example, when we are looking at, you know, colleges or college programs or different schools that he might explore, yeah. I'm trying to reinforce to him that if you make a decision today about what you want to do or be, that does not have to be where you land. You can change your plan. Right. And, you know, if you think about that in the context of quitting, I think there are a lot of people whose parents would have said, absolutely not. You don't be a quitter. Or however you want to phrase it, or whatever your perception is of it. Um, and that comes up for me in a lot of different ways, specifically as it relates to being a mother, but also for myself. Um, you know, when does it make sense to give up? Or to just say, you know, this isn't working for me anymore, this isn't good for me, this isn't what I thought it would be, this isn't good for my mental or physical health, whatever, you know, it insert whatever you need to in the blank. Um, but I thought it was interesting to talk about with you because I'm I want to know your perspective on it. You know, when is it okay to quit? Is it ever not okay to quit?

SPEAKER_03 4:17

Well, I almost said it depends, but I've decided I'm not going to say you're not allowed to say that. Yeah, I'm gonna avoid that in this episode. And so I think all of what you said, yes. Meaning I grew up in a house where you don't quit. If you've committed to something, you fulfill your obligations. I mean, let's also talk about the fact that I grew up in the 70s and 80s, and gold watch society was still a thing where you know your parents worked for the same company for almost all of their lives until they retired and got their gold watch. And that had started transitioning toward, I'm gonna say, you know, the early to mid-90s. And so my first parts of my working life were is still in that kind of society. Growing up, if we joined a team, a sports team, as we were participants on the team, you know, the soccer team, whatever, we were expected to fulfill our obligation. Not only because we had committed, but also because we had teammates who were depending on us. Right. So there was that whole thing. Now, truthfully, I did not join a whole lot of team sports for a number of reasons that we can get into another time. But my father's biggest thing is he did not want my sister and I to get bruised. And so sports were not a thing in our house. Um, my sister played soccer. I was like, I could, you know, do without it. But yeah, he just had this real weird thing about us being bruised. So we just didn't, um, it wasn't a thing. But with the kids, so my sister's kids, they my sister and her husband are very clear. If you join that team, you are part of that team. You are an active team member, you are there for your teammates because they are counting on you and you made that commitment. You don't have to do it again next year, but you committed to this season, you will play this season. And so which resonated with me. And I think we're seeing something different, you know, more recently with you know, you join and whatever, you can you can pivot. I personally sit on both sides of the fence because if it's a detriment and that child is being negatively affected by it, but they've given it the old college try, as they say. They've, you know, worked hard, they've tried to do the things, and they it's still just not a good fit for them, then I'm okay with that. I really am okay with them. Not that I'm trying to be, you know, I don't know what the word is on it, um, wishy-washy about it. But, you know, as long as they've given a trade, like the first day they walk in, like, nope, not for me. You know, there's also truthfully, there's also skills involved. And if they just don't show that they have the skills for it, you know, like so the kid who can't hit the ball ever or whatever, and they're like, Yeah, I'm not good at this, you're right, you're not. So from that standpoint, but I can see as a parent how you know, towing that line so that you're raising somebody who, you know, is resilient and puts in the effort and does all the things before allowing them to, you know, make a different choice. I can see where there's a struggle. You know? Yeah. I I mean it's a struggle for me, for myself, like starting something and then going, I don't like this. And then just saying, well, I'm not gonna do it anymore.

SPEAKER_00 7:50

But yeah, yeah. It's tough though. This is totally unrelated, but for we when we when you just said that for some reason, it made me think of I think you and I probably have both been in childhood sitting at a dinner table being forced to eat 100% the Brussels sprouts that we absolutely hated. And in my case, there were a couple of times I remember at my dad's well, on my dad's side, he there were times where I had to sit there at the table probably for like two hours because I did not want to eat whatever was on my plate.

SPEAKER_03 8:26

Silent tears coming down my face. Yep. Oh, Maria, my mother that you love so much, I would see that meal again for breakfast. Because at some point it would be my bedtime, and her and my dad would go, okay, go to bed, like from the kitchen table. And I would go to bed. And then when I would get up in the morning, that same plate was there for me in the morning. Yeah. I mean, they were not kidding.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

So, okay. I know this is off topic, but I just want to.

SPEAKER_03 8:56

When do we not go off topic?

SPEAKER_00 8:59

What do you think that what did that come from for them?

SPEAKER_03 9:04

I believe that. At the time, I thought it just came from pure evil. However, as an adult, I think it came from a place of scarcity. We don't have a lot. We put this on the table for you. This is what we have to eat. This is what you're going to eat. So I think, you know, not to say that we live like paupers, we didn't. Like I believe in my child brain, I think that we had everything. And so there was never a time that I felt like we were poor people. And so my mother cooked it. And my father was that guy who was like, Your mother made this for you. The only exception to that was my mother and sister liked liver and onions, and my dad did not like it, nor did I. And so if my mom made liver and onions, her and Lisa would eat that, and then he and I could have something else. That was the only exception. It was because he didn't like it. So yeah. It didn't matter if you didn't like it. It didn't matter at all, but thank God he didn't like it because then I got to have something different as well.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

So but again, so that speaks to it, that's not about scarcity. That's about feeling like I just want to explore that for a second because to me, that is the the adult's pin opinion matters than the child, matters more than the child.

SPEAKER_03 10:22

Yeah, there's no doubt. But as far as the norm, it really was about like I do think respect played into it, but I think there was a mindset like that his parents and my mother's parents before that, you know, you work very hard for the money that you get to buy the food that gets put on the table. And so if I'm putting this on the table, you're gonna eat it. And what I would say about that liver thing is mom didn't make it for everybody. She only made a very small amount. It was just her and my sister. And so it's not like she made this whole thing and then he'd go, I'm not gonna eat it. Like it was just we had two separate. And sometimes he and I would go out. But yeah, it was planned for. And most times we just had sandwiches. Like if they were having that, we'd have sandwiches or cereal or whatever. It wasn't like this grand, like she cooked two different meals. But um, yeah, it's it's interesting. I love that this conversation as far as quitting made you think about that sitting at the table and and not quitting on our food that is put in front of us.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

I don't know how we got there. I do not know how we got there, but uh yeah, it just popped into my brain. Um so so what are your thoughts? I know you were kind of talking in the context of sports teams as an example. Like if you get a sports team to me, that's a I don't want to say an easy one, but a little easier. I think it depends on who the parent is. Yeah, that sort of thing. Um but what are your thoughts on other forms of quitting? And and how do you feel about it for yourself?

SPEAKER_03 11:53

I mean, well, I mean, you know me, so you know that I have left a job, which uh so instead of saying quitting, I said I left, but I quit a job. And how I feel, you know, it's it's interesting because I don't want to say um that word that I said I wouldn't say. And so I think it's situational for sure. And um, you know, when I go into a situation, I don't go into that situation thinking, well, it's only temporary. You know, for the most part, I'm thinking long term. I'm thinking, especially when I say a situation like a workplace, I'm thinking long term. I'm thinking of contributing and retiring. And I really do think of all of those things. I don't take a job or I have haven't historically taken a job thinking, well, it's only gonna be six months and then I'll move on. Um, and so that's just my mentality. I don't think everybody else feels the same way. I think when people go into something, they may go in going, this is just to pay this bill or this situation or whatever. And so it's it doesn't have the same kind of weight, right? Right. I mean, that's that's it. And so, but for me personally, I don't take it lightly. It's something that I struggle with. Um, it has to be a really, really, I'm gonna say critical situation for me to decide not to do that job anymore because it affects so many different things. Like, where am I gonna get my paycheck? I don't know that I'm gonna get another job right away. So you end up staying in that situation maybe longer than you should have anyway. And so, like I said, I just don't take it lightly. I believe that people should have the opportunity to pivot. And when I coach people now, especially of like career type coaching, I tell them all the time just because you take this job, this isn't forever. You can decide just like they're deciding, they're evaluating your performance all along. You're evaluating them too. Okay. And so think about that when you go in. While you're there, give them everything that you can. Don't half ass it, but also know that this isn't forever. This is a today decision. Okay. And tomorrow's a tomorrow decision. If you recognize the culture fits, all the things that you can't find out from outside um isn't what you thought it was, it's okay to make a different decision. And so for myself, I did not coach myself in the same way. But for the clients I work with now, I always do. I just think it's important. You're not stuck. We are not um we are movable people. So we get to move from place to place. We don't grow roots, is my point. We're not trees. You're struggling with that, so I can't wait to hear what comes out of your face.

SPEAKER_00 14:39

No, I think I just you just hit something for me. Uh, and I just realized too, similar to you, I do not give myself the same grace that I do others. So I I very much um feel like I have stayed in situations, again, fill in the blanks, far, far longer than I should have, and far longer to the point that they became unhealthy for me in a variety of ways because I was so headstrong about not being a quitter, not quitting, doing what I said I would do.

unknown 15:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

So that that's another part of this for me, which is like I value so much when someone does what they say they're going to do. And if they don't do what they say they're going to do, they've lied. And so I just that it is a snowball for you. Yeah. Yeah. So for me, um, yes, I just when you were talking, it just became so clear to me that, you know, you're coaching others in a way that I would, in a way that I am with my son, which is it's okay. But man, I do not listen to that same advice for myself.

SPEAKER_03 16:02

Well, now pivot that. Now you're an employer. You don't want to hire somebody that is thinking, well, this doesn't work out, I'm out. Because it's very expensive to recruit and hire and train and go through that process of bringing somebody on board. And so, you know, the same thing I would say, you know, for an employee, a company, it's an investment and it's not a temporary investment. Like you don't go into it thinking that, all right, well, in six months we're going to downsize. You know, the hope is that you continue to grow and build and whatever. The reality of businesses, that's not always the case. And it is a quick expenditure. You know, it's the end of the year and we need to save some money. And so let's get rid of some staff. And so, you know, I might be a little bit jaded since, you know, the industry that I was in, it felt like that was, you know, their financial plan. And that is tough. And I've worked for several companies in the mortgage industry or in the mortgage space where layoffs are just part of, and you know, obviously it's cyclical based on rates and and what have you. And there's many business reasons why it happens. I get all the things, like I'm logical, I can do that. But as a human that is on both sides of the fence, either a person being laid off or a person doing the layoffs, and it's not easy. It takes a toll on your psyche. And so to your point, like when we are, you know, talking to others, we give them a lot more grace than we give ourselves. You know, we kind of figure we have to muscle through, you have to muscle through. And um, it's not a good place to be. And so if I could do it differently, um, and I feel like I kind of can through the people that I coach, then you know, I want them to know, again, be committed, give everything that you can, be a good employee, do all the things that you should be doing, you know, be accountable, be this, be that, be that. But at the end of the day, if you evaluate it that it's not a good fit for you, not that you just don't like it, you know, that it's just not a good fit for you because of whatever, then it's okay to make a different choice.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

How do you know when it's not okay?

SPEAKER_03 18:10

That's gonna be a decision for every person. Like it it's um it's situational. And for me You know what, Janine.

SPEAKER_02 18:21

You are just you're just I'm a diplomat. I'm a diplomat, Maria.

SPEAKER_03 18:27

Through and through. Um, so what I would say for me though, how I know it's not a good fit, if I am giving it my my all, I'm genuinely in there every single day, giving it my all. And either one, I'm just not making a difference, or it's just not making a difference. And then I'm going home every single day, miserable. And when I get up the next morning, I'm miserable and have to go in. It's just draining every part of my being. Um, because overall I'm a fairly positive person. And so when I start seeing my mental health, my um ability to put a smile on my face, change and waver. And it takes a while for me to get there. Probably like you, I stay in it longer than I should, because I I just I really want to make a change. I really want to make this work. I really want to um, but you can't do it yourself. And so when you realize that you are just beating your head up against the wall every single day, that's when for me it it ends. I know that for other people their line is somewhere different, but for me, it's that beating my head against the wall every single day and just feeling frustrated and feeling like, you know, it's loose lose, or recognizing that the people that you work for aren't aligned with your values. That's another that is hard for me.

SPEAKER_00 19:47

That's a big one. That's a big one. Um, I do though, as you were talking, I I love that phrase and I I say it often, the phrase of don't fall in love with potential. And I don't know where it originated, but I think it was in context to you know, relationships like don't fall in love with someone who you think has a lot of potentials, right? You're not gonna be able to fix them. Um and the same is true for for jobs, if you think about it. And oftentimes when we start a new job, we go in excited and in love with the potential that brings. And most often it does not fulfill that potential. Right. Right. And then so when you start realizing or recognizing that, okay, this isn't what I thought it was gonna be, or this maybe isn't what I had envisioned for my future. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:38

Um the problem is you don't know it until you're on the inside, right? I mean, you can't tell a company's culture from the outside. You can get like some hints of it, but you can't tell until you're in it. And also depends on the position that you're in, what you get to see and what you don't see. And so you have to sometimes experience those things in order to know. And I will say there's been a couple of times, so I have quit more than one job. I've quit two jobs in my entire life. That's all. Yeah. Well, that's not true. I did quit one in college. I called in dead. So that's a different story, but yeah, I called in dead. I I literally had somebody call in and tell them that I was no longer alive. Yeah. Again, I was a kid. I was it's so dumb. So freaking dumb. It was Dunkin' Donuts in Greenville, North Carolina. I went to ECU and it was the Dunkin' Donuts there.

SPEAKER_00 21:36

So I need to understand. So you called in dead. What did Dunkin' Donuts do with that information? Were they just like, oh, okay, sorry to hear it. Click. Or did they send flowers? They did not.

SPEAKER_03 21:49

I was there one day. One day.

SPEAKER_00 21:51

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 21:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 21:52

Yeah. And uh truth be told, I don't even know that they believed the person that called that said I was dead. Because they did ask for my uniform back.

unknown 22:04

What?

SPEAKER_03 22:06

Yeah, they issue you khakis and a a Duncan shirt. And the funny I'm I'm I don't know that this happens at every Duncan, but there was literally a shed behind the Duncan. And so on your first day, you go with the boss or the owner into the shed and they try on different. So they just had like a rack of very bad.

SPEAKER_02 22:26

Just very, very bad way to start a job.

SPEAKER_03 22:30

Yeah, it was. Going into the shed with the boss. It just doesn't sound good. No, behind the Duncan. Yeah. So anyway, so three jobs. That was one of them. It was not out in the woods. It was literally just in the parking lot behind the Duncan. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 22:46

So did you give the uniform out of the book? I did.

SPEAKER_03 22:48

I had somebody drop it off. I had somebody drop it off. I mean, I still the funny thing is, it's not like I still have obligations, right? So instead of going, ah, screw that. I'm not even I I did. I had somebody turn the uniform in. Actually, they gave me two shirts and then one pair of pants.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

So You could have told them to tell Duncan that you were buried in it. She loved her job so much. She was gonna stay there forever. So um I know we're getting way off track here, but why did you Duncan after one year?

SPEAKER_03 23:22

No, I don't really remember um because it was not that hard of a job. And I don't know if they still do things this way, but like, you know, the little sandwiches you do in the microwave, like everything was very easy. The smell of donuts by the end of the day was so distasteful. I will say that. Um, but I I just I don't know. I have no idea why I did not want to do that job anymore, but I did not want to do that job anymore.

SPEAKER_00 23:49

Do you regret quitting? Do you regret regret doing that?

SPEAKER_03 23:53

I don't know. I'm I'm saying I don't know just simply because I don't remember the situation. Um I I know I didn't like the boss guy, but he didn't do anything wrong. There was no like situation during the day with a customer that I was like, oh my god, I can't do this, or none that I remember, so I'm assuming that there wasn't. Um do I regret doing it? No, as a kid. You know, we do such dumb things as a kid. So yeah, not really. No regards, no regards. No regards. Just just like that tattoo on my uh tattooti. It says no regards, you've seen it.

SPEAKER_00 24:37

That's where this is coming from. But what you just said was different than that. No regards? Just like a tattoo on my own.

SPEAKER_03 24:45

Just like that tattoo on my patootie that says no regards.

SPEAKER_02 24:49

You have a tattoo on your patootie that says no regards. Well, I don't.

SPEAKER_03 24:55

I was joking when I said that I did. Uh I haven't had any coffee today. It feels like maybe you haven't either. Like, come on.

SPEAKER_00 25:14

Um yeah, so on the uptake, as they say, I suppose.

SPEAKER_02 25:17

But I do think I said tattoo instead of tattoo. It was the way I said tattoo as well.

SPEAKER_00 25:23

Oh, well, yeah. Tattoo. And then you said on my patootie, and I was like, wait a minute, is there something about you I don't know? I went through the whole thing.

SPEAKER_03 25:30

There could be many things that you don't know. Because I do have a tattoo on my patootie. I do. You do? I do. Not a tramp stamp. Oh my gosh, it's so embarrassing. It's a heart with a lightning bolt. I got it. I think I was, I'd like to say I was young, but I think I was 25. I think I was 25. And it's not big. It's probably like, you know, yay big. And um, yeah. You ever look at it? Do you ever turn around in the mirror and I do I do because I want to see how much it's stacking. Thankfully, it's still it's still in a good spot. Back when, like, so when in the 80s, we used to wear the French cut bathing suits. Yeah. Right. So I didn't get it until later in life. Like I wasn't 25 in the 80s. But when I got it, I remember specifically thinking it's so that when I'm wearing the high-cut bathing suit, you can see it. It's like where it's located. And so anyway, it's been a long time since um this body has been in a high-cut bathing suit, but you just never know. You never know when the heart might come back out. But yeah, it's a red heart with a white lightning bolt. Wow. Yeah, it's pretty spectacular. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So anyway, we digress. So three jobs. Thank you for not asking me the same question, by the way. I appreciate that. Oh, I'll come back to you. Oh, you mean about a tattoo on your patootie? Let me text, let me text your boyfriend, see what we got going on. I do not do it. I do not. I would be absolutely shocked if you ever told me that you had a tattoo on your bottom.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

Yeah, I do not.

SPEAKER_03 27:21

Yeah, it would it would shock me more than so many things in this world. Yeah. That would be something. So I've quit three jobs. You? How many have you quit, if any?

SPEAKER_00 27:35

Oh, when you said that, when you said it like that, I thought you were saying that you quit me. Um I quit. No. How many have I quit? Yeah. Wow. I don't know. Is it a lot? I mean, it's just almost as many jobs as I've had. Well, because okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:00

That's interesting. Because you leave to go to something else, or do you okay, so let me ask a different question. How many jobs have you quit that you didn't have something to go to? You were just like, I can't do this anymore. That's a different question, right?

SPEAKER_00 28:15

Yeah, it is a different question. I'm not sure how to answer it. So I quit. I quit the a job that I technically didn't have another employer I was going to, but I was starting my own business. Does that count?

SPEAKER_03 28:33

Did you decide to start your own business because you wanted to leave that other business? Like, were you at the I can't I honestly can't do this anymore? I'm better off starting my own business. Or were you like, it's time for me to start a new my own business, so I think I'm gonna leave this one.

SPEAKER_00 28:56

No, it was it was out of I I felt like I needed to chart my own course.

SPEAKER_02 29:04

I felt like I had had enough, what it was so diplomatic the way you said that. You needed to chart your own course.

SPEAKER_00 29:11

Enough of other people telling me what my career was gonna look like. And I'm not saying that from any particular employer I've had, but I think the idea of relying on others to give me opportunities or not, or to tell me whatever, fill in the blank. I just felt like I could do it, do it better if I was leading the charge.

SPEAKER_03 29:35

Yeah. Yeah. And so I deliberately asked the question that way because I do think it's different if you're working for somebody and then or some a company and then get recruited or you see an opportunity somewhere else. Because nine times out of 10, if you see an opportunity somewhere else, you're not happy where you currently are. And so you're starting that search. Um, if you get recruited, you've been recognized as somebody who is doing well and that whatever. Um the jobs that I've quit, it's been without a next. It's been I am so done here. And you've done that three times. Well, the Duncan was one. And then um there was a a company that I worked for that. I I can't even like it. And my father happened to be ill at the same time. And so we just talked about it. And I was like, you know what, this is a good out for me, and I'm gonna take this out. I'll go hang out with my dad for a while and then look again after that. Um, he got better. I started, you know, and I actually got recruited, which was interesting for the next company that I quit. So yeah. Um, prior to those two that I quit, just I can't do this anymore. Um I hadn't I just I don't know. Interesting.

SPEAKER_00 31:05

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. The ones that you did quit. So you had gotten to a point where it was so bad that you had to leave without another, without a backup plan. Right. And we've both felt that way. Um do you regret waiting until that point? Like meaning, okay.

SPEAKER_03 31:29

The writing was on the wall.

SPEAKER_00 31:33

Okay. And why is that? Because you needed a job, or because of that mentality of you don't quit things, or why did you stay longer than you should have?

SPEAKER_03 31:44

Belief in myself that I would be able to make it better. If I just keep doing this, or if only this, then this will be so much better. I think it's what you described as far as that potential is concerned. Yes. You know, right? So if only and if I just did this, or if I worked harder or for longer hours, or you know, whatever. And so at some point you go, I am delusional. I am delusional. I would love to admit that, you know, I'm quicker on the uptake, that I figured it out really early, but I didn't. You know, or I shouldn't even say I did, I've I knew, like, you know, the thing that you know. However, I still wanted to make it better. I still wanted to make it better.

SPEAKER_00 32:33

That I think goes back again to when we started this conversation. I said to you that I have a different perspective as a mother than I have for other things for myself. And I want my son to be able to figure it out earlier, to not put himself in a situation where he is becoming a former version, like a shell of himself. Or he's so incredibly unhappy that he is just barely dragging himself to work every day, or that he gets, you know, depressed or anxious, or whatever the things are. Like, I want him to be able to recognize for himself when okay, the writing is on the wall and that be early in the game, you know, without quitting too soon as well.

SPEAKER_03 33:22

Right.

SPEAKER_02 33:23

That's exactly what I was thinking. That quitting too soon. How do you how do you figure it out? Like, what's the test?

SPEAKER_00 33:31

People quit soon these days. As an H person, I will tell I will tell you that it is um unlike anything that you and I had have experienced from a people just the loyalty is not what it used to be. The expectations of employers are different than they than they used to be. Um it's it's it's different. I'll just leave it at that. It's different.

SPEAKER_01 34:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:00

Um yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:02

So well, and so as a parent, then how do you not even, I don't want to say teach them, how do you explain that balance of, you know, you need to figure out where, you know, it's kind of like this lever or a what was the um teeter-totter? It's a teeter-totter, right? So you want to try to keep it here. And if this starts happening or this starts happening, but um, you know, when we talked about anxiety, one of the things, and and I'm bringing it back into because I start thinking about you don't want to automatically tell your child, oh, you have anxiety, right? Because nervousness is okay. Anxiousness is okay. The same thing of you're not gonna like every single day of this job. There's going to be situations that are shit. And that's okay. It's the next day, is it gonna get better? The next day, is it gonna get better? Or is this a pattern of it's always shit? Right. So I don't know how you where's the fulcrum on that for the teeter totter to keep it like this or like this. But once you are like this for a long period of time, that's when it's time, right? That's when, but how do you describe that? How do you help them see?

SPEAKER_00 35:18

I think we just did it pretty well. I think you just did it pretty well. So thank you for that.

SPEAKER_02 35:22

Get on a teeter totter with them.

SPEAKER_00 35:24

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:25

Do they still call them that? What are they called? Teeter Seesaw. Seesaw. That was it. I couldn't figure out the seesaw word.

SPEAKER_00 35:31

Yeah, I like teeter totter better though. Um, I don't know. I think, I think I was starting to consider are there certain things that you need to teach them that are non-negotiables, like values. So, you know, when you become aware that a company is so far away from your values and what's important to you, then don't stay because those values, they're not going to change. That is not going to be able to be healed. Um, so maybe that's a place to start, you know, because I have thought about this a lot for myself. And for me, that was at the very core of things is a misalignment in values. And, you know, I just always, well, but what if? And what if I could convince? And what if I could change that convincing piece? Yes, yes. And it you that's never gonna happen. Right. So, you know, I think for me, I'm just considering like, is that kind of the starting point of being able to teach?

SPEAKER_03 36:41

I like that idea of the values being because when I when I go back and I analyze at least the two that as an adult, I made decisions about. Um, I would say in both cases, definitely value statements. In the first one, um, they were lying to a client and then asking me to support that lie. And it was just like, I know. And, you know, there's so many little keys. The person who hired me, it was only in the roll three months, by the way. The person who hired me promoted me so that she could move out to a different uh part of the business. Like she knew it was a shit show. And so she, and I was like, I'm not ready for this. And she was like, Oh, honey, you are, you're so good. You are so good, you're ready for this. And I was like, I I'm just really not. And she's like, Well, I'm going and left and promoted me. So in three months, I actually gotten two promotions and they were sp they were senior jobs. I'm not talking about just um, you know, yeah, yeah, flipping burgers or something. Um, and then I got to do fries too. Like they were, I had people responsibility, et cetera. And once I realized the lie that was being told to this client that I my team was supposed to be supporting, it was like, holy crap. So she told the fib, and then it became mine to deliver on. And it was just, and I remember telling some of my colleagues what I had learned. And they were like, Well, this is what we've got to do. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. We we can't, we need to let the client like you can't let the client know that. And so just, yeah, values. And so in in your, you know, trying to figure out that fulcrum, how how do we clearly say to not just our children, but our peers and other people that we care about that, you know, are looking for their own, I don't whatever, that the your values be really clear about what your values are and those become your non-negotiables. And the minute something starts to infringe on that, and I mean the minute, it's time. It's time. And it's okay.

SPEAKER_00 38:58

Yeah, I think this has been a good conversation for me because, you know, I think number one, I never, I don't know if you did, but I never had anyone sit with me when I was growing up or even a young adult and helped me figure out what my values were. It was not a conversation. I don't even think you knew that that was a thing. Of course, you always hold your values, you just don't know what it is, what they are. Right, right. So um, it wasn't until really I was in my late 30s where I went through a literal values exercise. I was with a career coach and we went through this exercise together. And I was like, oh, that's really interesting. I can now kind of see in black and white these things that make me make me me, make me operate in this world, things that are important to me. But I've not done that in any way with my son, really, you know, to verbalize, help him verbalize what those values are.

SPEAKER_03 39:59

Wouldn't that be valuable if some if colleges, if high schools, if schools actually did that, yeah, would be so it would it would be, I think, a game changer in the workforce.

SPEAKER_00 40:11

Mm-hmm. Yep. I agree.

SPEAKER_03 40:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:14

So I have some work to do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:16

I do too. I do too. I mean, there's there's children in my life. There's um, again, clients in my life that doing that values exercise can not only help illuminate certain things, but also as we're making decisions go as they are making decisions going forward. I think it's a it's a guiding post. It's something that you can go, this is my line in the sand. Yeah. In the concrete.

SPEAKER_00 40:43

There you go.

SPEAKER_03 40:44

There you go. I like this conversation, Maria. I think it's really helpful. Um, I don't know as normal. I don't know that we um actually I do think that we solved something. I think this is the probably the first time that I'm gonna say we solved something. We both believe that knowing your values and having that be your helpful decision maker on when you quit something. Yes. Right? That's that's the thing. Knowing your values will allow you to know whether it's a good fit for you or it's time to pivot.

SPEAKER_00 41:18

Yes. And we didn't really talk about this, but it also applies to relationships, and maybe we come back to that in a future conversation.

SPEAKER_02 41:26

I see what you did there. I see what you did. Yes, I like it. And let's commit to it. Do we continue? Dun dun dun. Yes. So thank you.

SPEAKER_00 41:40

Good job, Maria. I like that. Thank you. And thank you to everyone who may be watching or listening. Of course, we love having you with us. Um, want to hear what your thoughts are on quitting. How do you feel about it? Um, have you stayed in places of work or relationships or situations far longer than you should have because you were afraid of quitting? Um, you know, this is a conversation that we want to continue having with you, so please let us know that in the comments. Like, follow us, subscribe, follow, email us at brainsconefold.com. Brainsconefold at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_03 42:12

That's the one.

SPEAKER_02 42:14

And we'll see you next time. Thank you. Thanks, Maria. Bye. Bye.